A Hard Nights Pay

I am dealing with personal issues right now. A few nights ago, a good friend tried to commit suicide, and last night she finally passed. I had to work last night, and it was hell. I didn't care about my makeup, I didn't care about my mismatched outfit, and I certainly didn't care about hearing about some middle aged fat man's fantasy's. Yet, I endured 30 minutes of his good- girl- gone- dominatrix scenarios, listening how he wanted me to tie him up with cuffs and his tie, bind his manhood with a shoestring, and gag him with my panties. I have no idea what this man said after that. my mind was somewhere else. I was replaying my own scenarios in my head~ Will I ever see her again? Why did she do it? Was she in pain when it happened? Where is her spirit? But, most importantly,I was wondering if it was because of men like the one I was sitting next to, that drove her over the edge?
I had enough of this. I collected my $50 and walked away.

Who I am

I have been depressed lately... I have been trying to "find" myself, learn more of what makes me unique in this universe.
I'm looking for another job. I am currently an exotic dancer for a gentleman's club. I hate it. I hate the attention. I hate the sleezy men telling me how "hot" I am, and asking how much it is to sleep with me. I don't do that. I have a boyfriend.