A Hard Nights Pay

I am dealing with personal issues right now. A few nights ago, a good friend tried to commit suicide, and last night she finally passed. I had to work last night, and it was hell. I didn't care about my makeup, I didn't care about my mismatched outfit, and I certainly didn't care about hearing about some middle aged fat man's fantasy's. Yet, I endured 30 minutes of his good- girl- gone- dominatrix scenarios, listening how he wanted me to tie him up with cuffs and his tie, bind his manhood with a shoestring, and gag him with my panties. I have no idea what this man said after that. my mind was somewhere else. I was replaying my own scenarios in my head~ Will I ever see her again? Why did she do it? Was she in pain when it happened? Where is her spirit? But, most importantly,I was wondering if it was because of men like the one I was sitting next to, that drove her over the edge?
I had enough of this. I collected my $50 and walked away.

Who I am

I have been depressed lately... I have been trying to "find" myself, learn more of what makes me unique in this universe.
I'm looking for another job. I am currently an exotic dancer for a gentleman's club. I hate it. I hate the attention. I hate the sleezy men telling me how "hot" I am, and asking how much it is to sleep with me. I don't do that. I have a boyfriend.

The Dressing Room

The dressing room smells of smoke and cheap perfume; Before I can even walk threw the door, this girl Gina rushes up to me and asks to borrow a few bucks until she makes it so she can score an O.C from some dude thats out in the lounge area. She just started yesterday, and I don't even know the chick. In fact, I'm not even sure if her name is Gina, it could be Jenna. Who knows, I don't pay attention to the new girls, half of them stay around long enough to make enough money to get there 'fix', and the other half quit after a few days for whatever other reason. Only a few stick around.

"You know, like, I really will pay you back the money when I make it, I mean, I only need 60 bucks and I'll split it with you if you want. And if you want, he's also got-"

"No, I'm cool," i interrupt. "and I don't carry cash with me. Sorry."

I push past the Gina chick and make my way to my locker. Some day shift girl at the locker next to mine is pulling $20's and $50's out of her G-string and bragging about the 'awesome' day she had, and how 'they were tipping good on the stage today'. Everybody knows she sucks dick in the private dance area; I don't know who she thinks she is fooling.

I quickly changed into a blue and black corset with black thongs and fishnets. After applying my makeup, i took one final look into the mirror and asked myself the same questions I ask myself every night: 'Why do I strip?